Fear and loathing in Las Vegas (my Kindle)

The early moments of life with my new Kindle went a little something like this: – I’ve got a Kindle! Have a look – Isn’t it awesome! Let me send my book to it and see if it works. (Some faffing around with account names and email addresses ensues)

Wow! Check this out. My book is on my Kindle. Doesn’t it look fab… Hang on… how do I get the images on there too? What about page breaks?

I purchase a guide on formatting, and hunt down the elusive HTML codes). Thank feck I’ve done some programming before, or I’d be pooping my pants about now.

‘This should do it,’ I think naively. I email myself the .htm document that I’d been slaving over for days, and wait for it to arrive from my MacBook. Next, it’s time to create a single file using a newly downloaded bit of software running on my sh*tty Windows machine. I knew I kept this old computer for a reason. Stuck in one corner of our living room – mostly hidden by an array of plants and cookbooks, this computer setup isn’t even worthy of a chair. Poised over a 2-tier cat basket and a box of wedding ‘stuff’, I hope to myself that I won’t be here for long (Hah!)

It’s all looking hopeful. I log into Outlook for web, email the file to my shiny new Kindle, and wait.

Home > Menu > Sync & Check for Items. I’m impatiently clicking over and over, desperate for this little device to reward me with news that my book is here. You are my friend, aren’t you, Kindle? Please play nicely.

My book arrives quietly, just as I’ve gone back to my MacBook to check the wireless still works. The format is screwed. I quickly delete it, then go back to MacBook to send the file again. Maybe this tag is wrong? I delete the code, and instantly forget what it was there for to begin with. Darting from one computer to the other, I feel myself getting stressed and frustrated. The page breaks are there, but the images have gone again. My Kindle is starting to look more and more like a tiny, stubborn, ignorant b*stard. Why won’t you work, Goddammit?

Kindle… I hate you.

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